Mourning

Life is a beautiful thing.  Even when there are painful times, life is still a beautiful thing.  But with life, comes death.  With death, comes a time to mourn. 

There are so many ways to mourn.  Some people hold it in.  Some cry for days.  Some get sick.  Some people do not even acknowledge the death of a loved one.  So many different ways. 

I guess it depends on the person. 

Take me for instance.  The first time I really remember mourning was when my mom passed away.  I was almost 17 yrs old.  First I had the warning.  My big brother told me on a Sunday that my mom would not be coming home from the hospital.  We were doing dishes at the time.  I finished doing the dishes, then went next door to my best friend's house.  She answered the door and could tell something was wrong.  I blurted out that my mom was dying.  She was there for me.  For the next couple of weeks my appetite was off.  (Which was good.  I could definitely afford to lose a few pounds! Lol.)  Anyway, she died that Friday.  We had the viewing on the following Tuesday, then the Memorial Service the following Saturday.  There were times I had to be by myself.  Once we were going through my mom's stuff.  All of a sudden, I jumped up and went to my closet.  I hid there.  My big brother was going to come after me, but my younger brother told him to leave me alone.  Even now, 29 yrs later, I still have little episodes of mourning my mom.

Then one of my bosses died.  I was especially close to him.  He was kind of like a dad.  I found out that the ambulance was at his house, so I drove over there.  When I got there, a friend shook his head at me, letting me know my boss had passed away.  I went in and hugged the wife, a very dear, sweet lady.  When I left there, I immediately drove to my youngest daughter's dad's house.  He asked what was up and I just started bawling.  He held me while I cried.  I miss him.  He was a good boss and friend.

A friend of mine had a toddler who died.  A precious little girl.  I was fine until the day of the service.  Before the service started I walked outside for a bit.  My daughter's dad was with me and I cried.  I cried for the parents.  I cried because a precious little child died so young.  I hurt for that young mother. 

One of my nieces died.  It was a shock.  She had an aneurysm.  I don't cry at funerals, but seeing my sister's pain nearly did me in.  I told her I can handle anything except seeing her cry.  That just tears me up.

Today I am mourning the loss of my dad.  I was warned that it could be soon.  Two days later he died.  That happened eight days ago.  When I first heard the news on the phone, I cried.  My hubby was there and he held me.  (That was very comforting.  I am so glad he was there when I heard.)  After that, I thought I was fine.  Ha.  Little did I know!  When I told my supervisor, I choked up.  Each person I've told since, I tear up.  If I talk about his DEATH, I now start to cry.  Believe it or not, I am not a "cryer".  I don't like sympathy because it will make me cry more.

I realize that tears can bring healing, but finding the time and place to do it.... Well, that's the issue!  I can tell you when and where NOT to do it.  That would be at the office!!!  We will not discuss that!!

Anyway, the memorial service isn't until April 4th.  I believe that having the service will give closure.  I just hope I am not a complete basket case by then! 

I am thankful for family and friends who are loving me and praying me through this.  I am most thankful to my God who put these people in my life.  I AM BLESSED.