I Hope I Helped

A dear friend of mine has been asking for prayer for awhile.  There were some issues.  The other day she told me the issues.  Basically, she has felt there was was no love in her marriage, no desire, etc.  If she wants intimacy, she tries to initiate it, but is often turned down.  She cheated on her husband multiple times.  He knows about the affairs, but forgives her and wants their marriage.  She has prayed and begged God to fix her marriage.  This is one thing she said: "I've asked God to help me fall back in love with my husband over and over, but what all I hear is this small voice that says "love him how he is now, just as he is"...WHATEVER!! shouts loud in my head.  That's why I've done what I've done in the first place!!!  All the church hopping I did, all the praying I did and I'm at a spot in life stuck in a pit..BECAUSE every time I go to leave walk out that voice says don't give up on him, have faith in me that I can change this marriage... "

Following is my answer:

One thing I can say right now: don't leave or give up. One more thing: God is not going to change you overnight. You have to start changing and trusting God to help you change.
Remember, I understand. I love you and I am here for you. I consider you part of my family.

I am so glad you can hear that still, small voice telling you to stay, to not give up, to hang in there. God IS listening to you. HE is telling you to hang in there. He IS answering your prayer. He is. You said you do want your marriage to work. That is because God has put that desire in you. You keep praying for it to work. That is because the Holy Spirit is encouraging you to pray for it. God is answering your prayers!!!
I have been angry at God before. Believe me, I have. It has felt like He abaondoned me. WHY won't He answer my prayer(s)? WHY does my life have to be like this? Does HE even love me? WHY am I being punished? Do those questions sound familiar?
I know what it's like to be with one who refuses to have sex except once in a blue moon. One who refuses to kiss except for a little peck in the morning before going to work and in the evening when coming home. One who watches tv, plays video games, computer games, etc rather than spend time with me.   I know what it's like to want the husband to compliment you and tell you how beautiful you are, etc., but not receive any of it.
I sooo understand.
I am a control freak. I always had to try to "fix" the man. Mold him into what I wanted. But it never worked. I can't change anyone. Now I am finally learning that I DO have to love my husband as he is and trust God to make him the man that GOD wants him to be. I cannot change him. I have to pray for him daily. If and when he hurts me, I have to give it to God. I have to love him anyway. I have to submit to him. I have to trust him. I have to respect him. I have to smile. I have to remember to heed the words of the Bible in regards to what a wife is supposed to do and not do. When he really makes me angry, I have to remember to NOT be negative and DO remember what he does that makes me happy.
My husband is not outwardly affectionate. I know he loves me though. He works to provide. Every now and then he might surprise me with something. We've been married for 3-1/2 years and it's already been extremely rocky. Heck, we've been separated twice already!! But this last time I learned where I messed up. I prayed and prayed and prayed about the marriage. I knew it was wrong to separate and that was killing me inside. I knew I loved my husband and it was tearing me up that I had possibly ruined the chance for us to be together because of my lack of understanding. But thank God, we did reconciliate. So now I give it to God.
Your husband loves you. That is why he keeps forgiving you. He wants the marriage to work too. I really believe you love him and I believe you want your marriage to work.
Read Romans 7. The whole chapter. That chapter is my chapter. I mess up and get mad at myself because I keep doing that which I don't want to do.
I have not physically cheated on my husband and I am not going to. But, when I was very discontent with our marriage last summer, I was in that "what if" frame of mind. "What if I was single? What if I found someone who would be the kind of man I wanted? What if...." Those "what if's" can destroy a marriage even faster than physically cheating can. 

 Last year I was talking to another Christian woman about my pain, loneliness, etc.. She kept telling me to stop trying to have a man fill my loneliness - allow God to fill my loneliness. Allow God to have my heart. Allow God to compliment me, supply my needs, etc. I was like "You have NO idea what I am going through! You have never been through what I am going through! You do not have a clue and until you do, do NOT presume to tell me to allow GOD to fill my needs!"   She hasn't lived my life. She is married to her first, and only, husband. Her husband is a Christian and has been throughout their marriage. My husband is not interested in going to church with me. He watches garbage I don't want to watch. Etc, etc.
Lol, you know what? She was right.  If we put God first, if we allow Him to fill our heart AND our mind, if we claim 1 Corinthians 10:13 when tempted in any and every way, if we pray for our husbands, trust our husbands, always, always, always praise our husbands - to his face, behind his back, thinking only positive things about him - if we let him know that AFTER GOD, our husbands come first above everyone and everything else, our marriages will be blessed.   God first, spouse second, children/family third, friends and everything else after that. That is the order of things.
It's not easy, but God never promised it would be easy.
I have two prayer journals going. One is specifically for my husband. For whatever is going on that I think needs extra prayer. In it, I always thank God for my husband. Then I write out a prayer. At the end of the prayer, I ask God to put a hedge of protection around our marriage and allow nothing and nobody to harm it - including ourselves. Our heavenly Father knows I am serious about that prayer. The other prayer journal is for myself if I have a need or others I am praying for. Often I thank Him for an answered prayer in the prayer journal.
Read 1 John 1:9. I am thankful for that promise.
I have done so many stupid things. I have sinned so many times in many different ways.  I have sinned. I am so very thankful that our God loves us so much that He willingly forgives us when we repent. And He forgives us so often for the same sin over and over.
Grab ahold of our Father's hand. He will help you.
Again, I am here for you. I love you. I am praying for you.

I hope what I said helps her.

I AM BLESSED!!

Keep Smiling!! :)

My Crazy Life - So Far This Year

Proverbs 3:5-6   Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Jeremiah 29:11-13  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This year has been a crazy year and it's only the middle of August!!  I keep moaning that my life is not ever on an even keel.  It's always full of drama.  Lol (laughing out loud).  I have to remember:  we reap what we sow.

January 21st - Brent and I got back together.  I am so very thankful.

February 3rd - Brent had his second heart attack.  We found out his heart was enlarged and mush.  The doctor told him he needed to stop drinking and smoking. 

February 9th - Donny proposed to Katie.  :D (Big smile).

 

March 14th - The first anniversary of my dad's death.  Sometimes it still feels fresh.  Does a daughter ever get over the death of her dad?  Even if he wasn't really in her life much?

 

April 13th - My very first brand new car!  Of course that means a large car payment too... Oops.

April 28th/29th - April's Regional Track Meet in Abiline.  We are all so proud of her accomplishments in track!! 

 

May 19th - First Kristi and I went to an early service at church.  Then we met Rachel, Donny and Katie in Arlington(?) so Katie could look at the bridesmaid dresses on Rachel and Kristianna.  From there, we went to Kinkaid's for lunch.  Then it was back to Johnson County so Kristi could go get her hair done and I could go home.  From there, Cleburne.  It was time for Kristi's Senior Prom.  She looked absolutely beautiful.  She looked like a princess.  She and her best friend, Taylor, double dated with their respective boyfriends.  Several of us had fun taking pictures of the couples. 

 

 

May 31st - I had to stop Wimpy, my German Shepherd, from attacking our goat, Bob.  Then Jr, Brent and I had to go to Joshua High School for April's graduation.  Donny was there, plus several of Brent's family.  (Brent's family is very close - which is wonderful.)

 

June 1st - Kristianna's graduation from Cleburne High School.  Kristi's dad, aunt and uncle were there.  Of course Donny, April, Brent and I were there, as well as several of Brent's family.

 

 

July 3rd - Donny had an issue with choking, so he had to have minor surgery.  I stayed the night with him.  While I was with him in Dallas, my dog, Wimpy, was given away.  Wimpy had an issue with escaping from our fenced in area and then killing chickens, goats and finally a duck.  Wimpy had to go.  I'm still not over losing him.

 

July ? - Kristianna moved out.  My Princess Sweetpea is independent.  She and some friends are renting a house in Cleburne. 

 

July 18th - April finally told us she was pregnant.  I said "finally".  Yes, I had my suspicions.  You know, it's not what a parent wants for her unwed daughter/step-daughter.  But, what is done is done.  A baby is a precious gift from God.  Brent and I are looking forward to being grandparents, as are Shirley and Joe.  By the way, I'm hoping to be called Grammy Jo or Jojo.  I will accept "Dodo", pronounced "Doe-doe" if the baby can't say "Jojo".  If Brent has his way, I'll be called (ugh, hack, choke) "Granny".  Donny told me to just let the baby decide what to call me.

 

August 15th - Brent became job-less.  He applied for a truck driving job.  He needs his cardiologist to sign a release form.  Once that form is signed, he has the job.  The cardiologist refuses to sign it until Brent has the echocardiogram done.  It will show if there has been any improvement with the heart.  Brent's boss at the time called Brent and asked him if he had the job.  Brent told him that they were waiting for the doctor to sign the release.  So, Brent's boss told him to come in the next day and sign a form releasing him from the job.  Since the echocardiogram will not be done for 2 weeks, Brent is job-less.  He is filling out applications, though.

In the near future my beloved son, Donny, is moving to North Carolina.  September 7th, to be exact.  Then on November 10th, he is marrying his love, Katie, and they will begin their next adventure in life - marriage. 

 

My life continues to be an adventure.  No calmness.  But I know, that in the midst of the storm of my life, I can turn to God and have peace in the storm.  I know that God will get me through anything that is thrown in my path.  I know that God will provide for us. 

I AM BLESSED!

Keep Smiling!!  :)